How and why I decided to paint 1000 fantastic fishes
Hello, my name is Tatiana Sharova. I want to tell you about how fantasy fishes have significantly changed my life for the better. I became much happier despite my diagnosis. I hope my story will inspire you.
I have serious mental problems. My diagnosis is schizotypal personality disorder. In addition to this, there are various other illnesses. I am a disabled person of the third group.
Up to a certain time it was very difficult for me to live, I felt depressed and empty. Even the simplest everyday activities required a lot of effort. It was as if I was falling out of life, closed off from the real world, living more in an imaginary world than in the real one.
When the war between Russia and Ukraine started on February 24, 2022, it got even worse, it was very scary and unclear what will happen tomorrow. I live in Russia and I have no opportunity to leave. It is unbearable to realize that many of my compatriots support the war. I am against the war, the actions of the Russian authorities cause shock and horror, and I can’t influence it, I can’t change anything.
But we have to go on living somehow. In order to feel a little better, to try to distract myself and relieve stress, I started trying to paint, but I couldn’t do anything. I was wasting a lot of paper, and the stress just got worse.
I thought, “How do I live with all this? How do I recover even a little bit?” I tried to pray, but it was really hard to focus. At one point, I remembered the Ichthys sign, a fish with the Greek letters that stand for “Jesus Christ, God’s Son, Savior”.
The fish is a symbol of Christ and Christianity, it is a symbol of our Salvation! This thought made me want to paint fishes. After several unsuccessful attempts, I was able to paint at about the same level as I had done when I was a child. Considering my deplorable condition, this was a big victory!
As a child I painted quite well, but as an adult, due to a mental disorder, at some point I lost my motivation and stopped being able to do it. It was like something broke in my brain. I thought: why, why can’t I do this? But, nevertheless, I kept trying, and now, thank God, I’ve managed to overcome it.
I managed to paint the first good enough picture with a fantastic fish on April 22, 2022. On that day, according to the calendar of the Orthodox Church, was Great Friday: the day when Jesus Christ died for our sins. It was very symbolic!
Then I painted a second fish, then a third, a fourth, and so on…
At some moment, I remembered a girl from Hiroshima, Sadako Sasaki, who once set a goal of making a thousand paper cranes. Inspired by her example, I decided to paint a thousand fishes.
As of January 1, 2024, I have painted 200 fantastic fishes out of 1000.
The goal is still a long way off, but I’m going towards it step by step.
Each fish is like my prayer for peace in all countries of the world, that there will never be wars.
Now I have the strength to believe in the best. I believe that Ukraine will be rebuilt and Russia will become a peaceful, democratic country. I believe that God will help, I believe that goodness will win!
I believe that in the end all things work out for the best, and as the Bible says, “we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28)
This thought makes me want to express my love for God more and more, and I express it including by painting fantastic fishes.
Ancient Christians in times of persecution used to paint fish on the walls of catacombs to express their love for God. And I paint my colorful fishes with watercolors on paper and believe that God is pleased with it, God accepts it, despite the fact that I am obviously infinitely far from the height of the spirit of the ancient Christians.
Different people at different times have expressed their love for God in different ways. For example, the eccentric artist Damien Hirst once encrusted a skull with diamonds and called his artwork, “For the Love of God”. The fishes I paint are also “For the Love of God”!
These fishes are an amazing gift from God and my gratitude to Him at the same time.
Each fantastic fish exists in only one example. Each one is unique, and there is no other exactly like it anywhere else in the world. I never copy my fishes from any other source, but create them from my own imagination. Some people enjoy catching fish in real life, while I prefer to catch them in the realm of my imagination and then transfer them onto paper.
My fishes resemble each other like brothers and sisters, but there are no identical ones among them. Many artists often paint copies of their most successful works, and I simply couldn’t paint a copy, even if I really wanted to, even if someone asked me to. Each of my fantasy fish paintings is one of a kind.
I come up with Latin-like names for my fishes, but it’s not Latin, it’s some unknown language. Each of my fishes is a single representative of a fictional biological species that does not occur in nature, but only occurs once in only one of my paintings. Here are some examples of fictional species names:
My fishes are distinguished from each other primarily by their colorful ornaments. Each fish has its own ornament.
These ornaments arise spontaneously, as if by themselves, I do not plan them in advance: for some reason they come out from under my brush exactly like this and not like others. When I start painting, I don’t know in advance what kind of ornament I will end up with.
I do not know why I have this or that ornament at a certain point in time, but I am sure that it is not accidental. I feel that these ornaments mean something, but I don’t know what it is. I am sure that there is some special meaning in these ornaments. There seems to be some mystery in it, some riddle that would be interesting to unravel. I can’t solve this riddle, maybe you can.
I think this mystery has something to do with heaven, with the wonderful new world that will come after the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Among other wonders in that world will be “a pure river of water of life” (Rev. 22:1). This river will be incredibly beautiful, it will probably have some amazing fishes swimming in it, and I sometimes think that my fantasy fishes are a little like the fishes in this river. Although, of course, it’s obvious that no artist in the world can truly faithfully depict this river and these fishes.
We can only imagine a very, very faint shadow of what awaits the righteous in the new perfect world, but it is important to remind ourselves of this more often. It is important to remember that one day the wonderful new world will surely come, and my paintings of fantastic fishes are one way of reminding myself and others of that.
Fishes traditionally symbolize Christians who have followed the Savior into the “water of eternal life”. Here is what, for example, wrote the early Christian writer Tertullian (II-III century after Christ): “The sacrament of our water is life-giving, for having washed away with it the sins of yesterday’s blindness, we are freed for eternal life! (…) We fishes, following our “Fish” Jesus Christ, are born in water, we keep life no other way than by remaining in water” (“On Baptism” 1.1).
Maybe the fantastic fishes I have painted can be considered as symbolic portraits of different people. Maybe among them there is your symbolic portrait. Maybe, some of my fishes are some of your friends, relatives, acquaintances or strangers….
And also, maybe some of my fishes symbolize the souls of wonderful holy people who have finished their earthly life and are in paradise, in whose hearts Jesus Christ lives. I believe that these people are looking down on us from heaven. Thinking about this gives me the strength to go on living and to keep painting.
Fantastic fishes make my life so much more colorful. They give me amazing sensations that are hard to describe, but I will try.
Imagine that you are fishing in a river, lake or sea and at some point you catch a very unusual fish that you have never seen before. You show a photo of this fish to experts and they say that it is a species unknown to science. What do you feel?
Or, suppose you are scuba diving and suddenly a very unusual fish swims past you. You take a photo of it, show the photo to experts, and it turns out that this species of fish is unknown to science. What will you feel in such a situation?
This is roughly how I feel when I look at the fantastic fishes I have painted.
Painting fishes gives me very, very much: it’s not only an unusual experience, but also a huge benefit. It is a very powerful art therapy that changes me a lot from the inside out. Here are the most obvious effects:
- it becomes easier to cope with stress, anxiety decreases, fears recede;
- there’s a sense of peace and tranquility;
- an optimistic view of the future, a better mood, more positivity;
- more strength appears, energy reserves increase, it becomes easier to cope with everyday tasks;
- thoughts become clearer, perception of reality improves;
- sadness, despondency and depression disappear;
- there is a sense of meaningfulness instead of emptiness;
- the ability to experience the joy of every moment;
- overflowing with inspiration and the realization that I am truly living, not just existing;
- confidence that problems can be solved, good thoughts and good spirits;
- a bright, powerful sense of courage and freedom.
In addition to all of the above, my fishes give me something else amazing, something that cannot be put into words. It is a true miracle! It is much better than pills and psychotherapy!
When I look at my fishes, I feel a marvelous warmth and light from them. This warmth and light fills me, and life becomes much easier and more joyful.
My fishes are incredibly dear to me: they are so kind, so lovely! They give me such a huge support! They are alive to me, I adore them!
I often kiss my fishes and talk to them. I tell them, “How cute you are, how good you are! Thank you so much for reassuring and calming me… I feel very good with you, you are very supportive!” And I feel that they answer me, they answer me without words. This amazing response is simply impossible to put into words.
My fishes are the best for me. And let someone wants to laugh at this, someone wants to criticize, but I do not care, because I love my miraculous fishes very much!
I’m so happy to see them, to see them for real. Remember when NaŹ¼vi said “I See You” in the movie Avatar. It is important to see not only with your eyes, but also with your heart.
It takes time to really see my fishes. They do not reveal themselves immediately. The longer I look at them, the longer they hang on my wall, the more alive and dear these fishes become to me, the happier and warmer I feel. Every day I love them more and more. And they answer me with mutual love. The creative power that I put into my paintings comes back to me multiplied many times over.
I place paintings sometimes with some, sometimes with other fishes on the wall. I feel that each of the fish has its own special character, each of them inspires me in its own unique way. Each fish is a special source of joy unlike any other. I look and look and look at them and can’t get enough of them. Every day they open up for me in a new way! It is a whole new world, huge and beautiful!
And I have also noticed that if several fish paintings are hung side by side on the wall, they enhance each other’s impact. There is a synergy between them: a few fishes put together have a much stronger emotional impact than each of them separately.
I conducted a psychological experiment on myself: I was hanging different fishes on the wall in different combinations and observed my feelings. I noticed that each way of combining my paintings gives a unique set of feelings. One can create an infinite number of combinations (polyptychs) and each time be surprised by new effects.
Here are a few examples:
2 fishes – diptych:
3 fishes – triptych:
4 fishes – tetraptych:
5 fishes – pentaptych:
6 fishes – hexaptych:
7 fishes – heptaptych:
Unfortunately, a computer screen or a smartphone will not fully convey what one can see when looking at real paintings. But I hope that you can at least partially understand how I feel when I look at my fishes.
I strongly want the creative power I put into my artworks to be passed on to other people. I want to share what I get from my paintings.
I believe that my paintings can have a beneficial effect not only on me, but also on other people. I want other people to be able to feel at least some of what I feel when I look at my fishes. I hope that my fishes can help someone the way they helped me. The main thing is that a person must be willing to understand and open up…
It has been proven by the experience of many people that true art can help very well with a variety of emotional and mental problems.
What is true art? This question causes a lot of controversy. I think the main criterion is usefulness for the soul: true art is beneficial to the human soul, while false art is harmful.
Jesus Christ said: “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26). Unfortunately, in our difficult times, many people have badly damaged their souls. I would very much like to see the maimed souls healed! If people’s souls change for the better, the world around them will change for the better. I hope that my paintings can help in this at least a little.
In order for a painting to have a beneficial effect on the viewers, the right attunement of the artist’s personality, the aspiration to good rather than evil, is very important. The state in which the artist created the painting is transmitted to the viewers, even if they do not realize it. The history of the painting and the story of the artist’s life are much more important than the aesthetic qualities of the artwork.
It is especially valuable if the artist has managed to cope with some mental or spiritual problems with the help of his art – in this case the power of overcoming is transferred to his paintings. What helped the artist helps those who contemplate his art.
I wish you to find an artist whose life story resonates in your heart and to purchase his paintings. And may these paintings help you in the liberation and healing of your soul.
Or – another option – much more complicated: you can try to become such an artist yourself, whose paintings will be able not only to decorate the interior, but also to change yourself and other people for the better.
Personally, it is very important for me to have a positive influence both on the condition of my soul and on the condition of people around me. That is why I decided from the very beginning that I will keep part of my paintings and the other part will go to other people (perhaps you will be among them).
Despite the fact that I am very sorry to part with my favorite fishes, I want them to please not only me, but also other people (therefore, when selling my paintings I have ambivalent feelings).
It would be selfish to keep all paintings at my home, but I try to fight selfishness, although in some cases it is not easy. After all, each of my fishes is unique and unrepeatable, each artwork exists only in one copy, and only one person can become the owner of the original of each painting.
After someone purchases my artwork, another person can no longer purchase it from me because I don’t make copies of my paintings. It is important to me that my favorite fishes do not get to just anyone, so I choose my buyers very carefully.
Some of my artworks are currently sold, some are still available for purchase. The paintings can be mailed to most countries in the world, but I am not ready to sell them to everyone.
Since my paintings are very precious to me, I care about who gets them. I am only willing to sell them to those who truly understand me and my artworks.
If you have a desire to buy my painting,
you can e-mail me at:
buy@fantfish.com
In your e-mail please tell me how you understand my paintings, it is your own understanding that is very important to me. If your perception and your view of the world seem interesting enough to me, I will give you access to purchase my artworks.
Before writing to me, please think carefully, please take your time. I want to sell paintings only to those who really need it, who have a serious, good-reasoned desire to purchase my fishes. If you are not sure that you really need my artworks, then do not buy them, let them go to those who need it more.
Don’t contact me if you just want something to occupy the empty wall space. If you want a plain nice painting for your interior, you’re better off buying it somewhere else. A lot of good artworks can be found on marketplaces or online galleries like Saatchi Art, Artmajeur, Artfinder, Singulart, etc.
I really don’t want you to buy my painting without thinking and then be disappointed. Unfortunately, people often buy things because of advertising and then realize they don’t need them and throw them away. I am very afraid that someone might buy my painting and then throw it away after a while. I think it’s like throwing away a pet: a dog or a cat. It would be a shame if that happened. So I beg you: think carefully! After all, a painting is a living being, it contains a part of the artist’s soul.
Even though I am sad to part with my favorite fishes – it is a light sadness. The fishes that leave me and settle in the house of another person, continue to live in my heart, in my memories. My soulful connection to them remains, and I am happy for the human to whom they now belong.
I want to delight not only the buyers of my paintings with my art, but also as many different people as possible. I have been thinking for a long time how to do this, and at some point I decided to make digital collages based on my watercolor artworks, for example, like this:
Each of the original watercolor paintings depicts a single fish, while the digital collages show a few or many fishes at once.
You can see my collages in short videos on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/@fantfish). You can subscribe to me and check in with me periodically on YouTube to watch my fishes. I hope it will make you feel better, lift your spirits, fill your heart with warmth and heal your soul. You can look at new collages every day, getting positive vibes over and over again.
In addition, you can order my collages to be printed on canvas, framed and hung on the wall. Obviously, printed artworks are not the same as the originals of my paintings on paper, but unlike the originals, they are available to anyone.
You can also order a variety of things with images of my fishes: t-shirts, shorts, pillows, mugs, bags, backpacks, phone cases, document covers, puzzles, key chains, stickers, postcards and much more (there are so many options)!
I am ready to provide the files for printing for free (or for any donation you wish). You will only need to pay for the printing of the image on the selected thing. Learn more…